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Failed To Open Up
Miel was out on the pier of the Doman Enclave, overlooking the sea. Night was beginning to fall and most of the others had settled down to dine, but she found more than food what she needed right now was some fresh air. The events of the storming of Doma Castle just a day prior still weighed heavily on her, and everything she had been trying so hard to ignore ever since the beginning of their journey here now came at her with full force.
Her mind returns to that day she had laid eyes on Yotsuyu for the first time in the village of Isari, of the heinous things she had done to the people there. The Raen had been so shocked both to see her there and to see the person that she had become that she was almost certain she must be mistaken.
Gods. How she wished she was but after hearing her story in Doma Castle, Miel could fully understand what had led her down that path.
The covered bowl of food sat next to her, untouched and now cold.
Shirogane Tsuruyo. How long had it been since she last heard that name? She had almost forgotten it but with every person who's lips it had passed she found herself becoming angrier and more bitter, meeting every instance with a puzzled smile and simple shrug of her shoulders.
Yet she couldn't lie to Yotsuyu. Never to her.
Now she was gone forever and Miel was simply left with the burning questions: What if she had gone back for her? What if she had told Lavanda about her? Could she have been saved? Could she had been spared such a horrifying life?
She thinks so and the guilt is like a choker, slowly tightening more and more around her throat.
Buttons — 04/24/2023 11:56 PM
Lavanda worried about his sister.
Such a statement is far from being a revelation- the man always worries for his sister. But their time in Doma seems to have unlocked more than just their shares history of the Steppe. The strange name that people referred to her, the lost history between Miel and the antagonistic Yotsuyu... the fall of the castle about them ...
So when she leaves the fire, Lavanda gives her some space before choosing to approach. When he does, he keeps his footfalls heavy, so he doesn't sneak up on her.
He slides down to sit beside her on the pier, legs crossed as they often were when he sits on the ground - a habit from childhood that he doubts he'll ever break.
"Gil for your thoughts?"
Space Coco — 04/26/2023 1:53 PM
The end of her tail lifts up ever so slightly when she hears approaching footsteps before settling back down. She'd recognize those anywhere. As he begins to sit down Miel pulls her gaze from the sea to him.
She smiles and at the question jokes. "I have enough gil considering you don't ever let me pay for anything." It's said in her usual light, teasing tone and once he is settled she leans against him, resting her head on his shoulder. Despite it all there's a feeling in her...of something clawing at her insides and hollowing her out.
There's a lot to be said. Yet so much she finds would be pointless to say. She's quiet, but clearly pensive as she thinks through what to say before finally she just lets out a deep sigh.
"Yotsuyu was right. About Doma, I mean. It goes without saying that every nation, every city has its ugliness and I know I'm partly biased but Doma...Its sickness runs deep and is insidious. None of them," she inclines her head towards the Conclave, "will admit to it but Doma loves nothing more than throwing its ugly and broken away."
Buttons — 04/26/2023 2:04 PM
"They're all like that, Miel." He wraps an arm around her shoulders to pull her tighter in. "Ul'dah will toss it's poor and infirmed to the sands without a second thought. Limsa has many that find their fate in the sea, and Gridania has many monsters in it's forests, and not all of them are animal."
"But I don't fault your bias. Not ... I don't think I ever would, given the circumstances of our meeting."
Space Coco — 04/26/2023 2:19 PM
"Yes, I know." She murmured at his reiteration of what she had just said. Her tail flicks out towards his, curling around it.
That he brought up their meeting means he must have estimated some of what's been going through her mind, but she supposes given what she just said it wasn't hard to put two and two together.
So much is swirling around in her head of what to say, how to say it. She feels like she wants to but also...what would it help? Though she supposes she should start with:
"....I'm sorry. I never forgot. My name or what happened, I mean. But I just...wished I had. And by the time I had finally made peace with it it just." She shrugged. "Felt pointless to bring it up."
Buttons — 04/26/2023 2:29 PM
Lavanda turns his gaze from the water to look down at her, scooting himself the ilm or two closer to pull her flush to his side.
"It never mattered. Not to us." He hugs her tight. "I only cared because I thought you might. But ... but if you never wanted us to know, that's fine. We all have secrets, whether intentional or otherwise." For some of them, it just never came up.
Space Coco — 04/26/2023 3:07 PM
She angles herself so she can hug him tightly. Some of that static in her head clears up. It reminds her of all those years ago when he had found her, held her, and shown her unending patience.
She's grateful that he makes no demands or pushes for her to speak. A part of her almost considers leaving it at that but...she does want him to know the truth, if only so he can know that death wasn't the only thing he had saved her from.
"Yotsuyu and I. I'm sure you've guessed it but we knew each other. We knew each other from childhood. We used to be neighbors and...if anything she put it lightly how her family treated her."
Buttons — 04/26/2023 3:08 PM
He simply holds her, using his other hand to rest over hers. His hand rubs along her back, so very similar to how he had all those years ago, and just listens.
Space Coco — 04/26/2023 3:25 PM
"Do you remember that abandoned village we came across when we were first traveling with Gosetu and Yugiri? He called is Nadeshiko and we camped for a night there. That's where I was born." She closes her eyes, focusing on the feel of his hand on her back, tail coiling more around his.
"My....." And she goes silent for a moment.
"My...." She tries again and her body almost imperceptivity stiffens.
"The woman who gave birth to me, Shirogane Tamamo, and I lived next to the goe Brutus family. I knew them all my life and was there when Yotsuyu arrived. I think I was. Six? Maybe younger. Five? I don't know for sure but. But she became the only friend I had then. She was so quiet. At first I thought she couldn't speak but then we found each other and would talk almost every day. She looked out for me a lot, despite having so much abuse being piled on her all the time."
Buttons — 04/27/2023 1:47 AM
Lavanda does not coax or rush her, lets her tell her story at her own pace. When she stumbles, he squeezes his hold on her, rubbing her back up to her shoulders and holding tight. The tail wraps about hers, holding it just as firmly as he did her with his arms.
"... To see her now must have been a shock." He ventures, gaze focused wholly on his sister's face.
Space Coco — 04/27/2023 7:52 PM
When Lavanda had first found her Miel had acted closer to an animal than a person, seeing everything as a threat and hissing, clawing, and biting at most everyone who came near her. Then at some point it had been like a switch had flipped and from that day forward she had been all smiles.
It didn't matter whether she was met with injury, pain, or loss it seemed as if nothing seemed to effect her.
Until she had nearly lost him at Zenos' hands. Since that day while the smile remained it seemed brittle often and never quite reached her eyes. That's how she was, eyes now turned towards the sea again.
"It was. I suppose for a while I was in denial despite how she looked like her and bore the same name...but when she saw me for the first time I saw the recognition in her eyes."
...
"I know she did horrible things. Things that can't be forgiven and that I wouldn't expect anyone to forgive...but. I wish things could have been different. If not for her I likely would have ended up the same."
Buttons — 04/27/2023 7:56 PM
"I don't think it's ... wrong, to wish things had been different." He speaks softly, wary to break whatever focus she had. "But ... I'm glad you're my sister, Miel. I wouldn't trade you for the world, unless you wanted it."
Space Coco — 04/27/2023 9:31 PM
"How could I ever want that?"
She looks at him again and some of the light has returned to her eyes, the sincerity to her smile.
"I love you more than anyone, Van. You are the most important person in all the worlds to me." She places a brief kiss to his cheek. She knows for a fact that no one will come close in all her life. Lavanda was the sole reason she was even alive right now and in all their years together he had only ever given her warmth and patience that she still did not believe she deserved.
But damn if she wouldn't do everything she could to make him proud and happy, no matter what the cost.
The rest of the world could burn.
Buttons — 04/27/2023 11:18 PM
Lavanda smiles, hugging her tight in return. "Well, I know that, but like ... if we could change the past, kind of." He sighs, looking over and ruffling her hair.
A thought comes to his mind, and he purses his lips in thought. "Do ... do you still want to be called 'Miel', or ... or did you want to change it?"
Space Coco — 04/28/2023 6:27 PM
"Miel." She answers without a single beat of deliberation.
"I love that name," she said quietly, resting her head against him, "it's the name you gave me. Not the one the person who left me for dead, did."
Buttons — 04/28/2023 6:31 PM
He lets out a breath he didn't realize he'd been holding, patting Miel on the head a few times before holding her close. "Good. I'd hate having to re-monogram your towels."
Space Coco — 04/28/2023 7:14 PM
"...hm. Perhaps I might need to rethink my position now that you mention that." She joked quietly. Not quite with the same gusto as she usually teased but it was there making it clear she was doing a little better than before.
Buttons — 04/28/2023 10:11 PM
"I haven't had much practice with S's, to be fair, but if you would want me to I'd try for you." He ruffles her hair.
Space Coco — 04/29/2023 6:20 AM
From the way he phrases that she can tell that he thinks her name starts with an S which honestly isn't just on him. A lot of people outside of Doma would like think similarly. That said in this particular instance she can't be bothered to correct him, instead just giving a furtive shake of her head.
"No, no. I was just teasing you. I want it to stay Miel."
Her mind returns to that day she had laid eyes on Yotsuyu for the first time in the village of Isari, of the heinous things she had done to the people there. The Raen had been so shocked both to see her there and to see the person that she had become that she was almost certain she must be mistaken.
Gods. How she wished she was but after hearing her story in Doma Castle, Miel could fully understand what had led her down that path.
The covered bowl of food sat next to her, untouched and now cold.
Shirogane Tsuruyo. How long had it been since she last heard that name? She had almost forgotten it but with every person who's lips it had passed she found herself becoming angrier and more bitter, meeting every instance with a puzzled smile and simple shrug of her shoulders.
Yet she couldn't lie to Yotsuyu. Never to her.
Now she was gone forever and Miel was simply left with the burning questions: What if she had gone back for her? What if she had told Lavanda about her? Could she have been saved? Could she had been spared such a horrifying life?
She thinks so and the guilt is like a choker, slowly tightening more and more around her throat.
Buttons — 04/24/2023 11:56 PM
Lavanda worried about his sister.
Such a statement is far from being a revelation- the man always worries for his sister. But their time in Doma seems to have unlocked more than just their shares history of the Steppe. The strange name that people referred to her, the lost history between Miel and the antagonistic Yotsuyu... the fall of the castle about them ...
So when she leaves the fire, Lavanda gives her some space before choosing to approach. When he does, he keeps his footfalls heavy, so he doesn't sneak up on her.
He slides down to sit beside her on the pier, legs crossed as they often were when he sits on the ground - a habit from childhood that he doubts he'll ever break.
"Gil for your thoughts?"
Space Coco — 04/26/2023 1:53 PM
The end of her tail lifts up ever so slightly when she hears approaching footsteps before settling back down. She'd recognize those anywhere. As he begins to sit down Miel pulls her gaze from the sea to him.
She smiles and at the question jokes. "I have enough gil considering you don't ever let me pay for anything." It's said in her usual light, teasing tone and once he is settled she leans against him, resting her head on his shoulder. Despite it all there's a feeling in her...of something clawing at her insides and hollowing her out.
There's a lot to be said. Yet so much she finds would be pointless to say. She's quiet, but clearly pensive as she thinks through what to say before finally she just lets out a deep sigh.
"Yotsuyu was right. About Doma, I mean. It goes without saying that every nation, every city has its ugliness and I know I'm partly biased but Doma...Its sickness runs deep and is insidious. None of them," she inclines her head towards the Conclave, "will admit to it but Doma loves nothing more than throwing its ugly and broken away."
Buttons — 04/26/2023 2:04 PM
"They're all like that, Miel." He wraps an arm around her shoulders to pull her tighter in. "Ul'dah will toss it's poor and infirmed to the sands without a second thought. Limsa has many that find their fate in the sea, and Gridania has many monsters in it's forests, and not all of them are animal."
"But I don't fault your bias. Not ... I don't think I ever would, given the circumstances of our meeting."
Space Coco — 04/26/2023 2:19 PM
"Yes, I know." She murmured at his reiteration of what she had just said. Her tail flicks out towards his, curling around it.
That he brought up their meeting means he must have estimated some of what's been going through her mind, but she supposes given what she just said it wasn't hard to put two and two together.
So much is swirling around in her head of what to say, how to say it. She feels like she wants to but also...what would it help? Though she supposes she should start with:
"....I'm sorry. I never forgot. My name or what happened, I mean. But I just...wished I had. And by the time I had finally made peace with it it just." She shrugged. "Felt pointless to bring it up."
Buttons — 04/26/2023 2:29 PM
Lavanda turns his gaze from the water to look down at her, scooting himself the ilm or two closer to pull her flush to his side.
"It never mattered. Not to us." He hugs her tight. "I only cared because I thought you might. But ... but if you never wanted us to know, that's fine. We all have secrets, whether intentional or otherwise." For some of them, it just never came up.
Space Coco — 04/26/2023 3:07 PM
She angles herself so she can hug him tightly. Some of that static in her head clears up. It reminds her of all those years ago when he had found her, held her, and shown her unending patience.
She's grateful that he makes no demands or pushes for her to speak. A part of her almost considers leaving it at that but...she does want him to know the truth, if only so he can know that death wasn't the only thing he had saved her from.
"Yotsuyu and I. I'm sure you've guessed it but we knew each other. We knew each other from childhood. We used to be neighbors and...if anything she put it lightly how her family treated her."
Buttons — 04/26/2023 3:08 PM
He simply holds her, using his other hand to rest over hers. His hand rubs along her back, so very similar to how he had all those years ago, and just listens.
Space Coco — 04/26/2023 3:25 PM
"Do you remember that abandoned village we came across when we were first traveling with Gosetu and Yugiri? He called is Nadeshiko and we camped for a night there. That's where I was born." She closes her eyes, focusing on the feel of his hand on her back, tail coiling more around his.
"My....." And she goes silent for a moment.
"My...." She tries again and her body almost imperceptivity stiffens.
"The woman who gave birth to me, Shirogane Tamamo, and I lived next to the goe Brutus family. I knew them all my life and was there when Yotsuyu arrived. I think I was. Six? Maybe younger. Five? I don't know for sure but. But she became the only friend I had then. She was so quiet. At first I thought she couldn't speak but then we found each other and would talk almost every day. She looked out for me a lot, despite having so much abuse being piled on her all the time."
Buttons — 04/27/2023 1:47 AM
Lavanda does not coax or rush her, lets her tell her story at her own pace. When she stumbles, he squeezes his hold on her, rubbing her back up to her shoulders and holding tight. The tail wraps about hers, holding it just as firmly as he did her with his arms.
"... To see her now must have been a shock." He ventures, gaze focused wholly on his sister's face.
Space Coco — 04/27/2023 7:52 PM
When Lavanda had first found her Miel had acted closer to an animal than a person, seeing everything as a threat and hissing, clawing, and biting at most everyone who came near her. Then at some point it had been like a switch had flipped and from that day forward she had been all smiles.
It didn't matter whether she was met with injury, pain, or loss it seemed as if nothing seemed to effect her.
Until she had nearly lost him at Zenos' hands. Since that day while the smile remained it seemed brittle often and never quite reached her eyes. That's how she was, eyes now turned towards the sea again.
"It was. I suppose for a while I was in denial despite how she looked like her and bore the same name...but when she saw me for the first time I saw the recognition in her eyes."
...
"I know she did horrible things. Things that can't be forgiven and that I wouldn't expect anyone to forgive...but. I wish things could have been different. If not for her I likely would have ended up the same."
Buttons — 04/27/2023 7:56 PM
"I don't think it's ... wrong, to wish things had been different." He speaks softly, wary to break whatever focus she had. "But ... I'm glad you're my sister, Miel. I wouldn't trade you for the world, unless you wanted it."
Space Coco — 04/27/2023 9:31 PM
"How could I ever want that?"
She looks at him again and some of the light has returned to her eyes, the sincerity to her smile.
"I love you more than anyone, Van. You are the most important person in all the worlds to me." She places a brief kiss to his cheek. She knows for a fact that no one will come close in all her life. Lavanda was the sole reason she was even alive right now and in all their years together he had only ever given her warmth and patience that she still did not believe she deserved.
But damn if she wouldn't do everything she could to make him proud and happy, no matter what the cost.
The rest of the world could burn.
Buttons — 04/27/2023 11:18 PM
Lavanda smiles, hugging her tight in return. "Well, I know that, but like ... if we could change the past, kind of." He sighs, looking over and ruffling her hair.
A thought comes to his mind, and he purses his lips in thought. "Do ... do you still want to be called 'Miel', or ... or did you want to change it?"
Space Coco — 04/28/2023 6:27 PM
"Miel." She answers without a single beat of deliberation.
"I love that name," she said quietly, resting her head against him, "it's the name you gave me. Not the one the person who left me for dead, did."
Buttons — 04/28/2023 6:31 PM
He lets out a breath he didn't realize he'd been holding, patting Miel on the head a few times before holding her close. "Good. I'd hate having to re-monogram your towels."
Space Coco — 04/28/2023 7:14 PM
"...hm. Perhaps I might need to rethink my position now that you mention that." She joked quietly. Not quite with the same gusto as she usually teased but it was there making it clear she was doing a little better than before.
Buttons — 04/28/2023 10:11 PM
"I haven't had much practice with S's, to be fair, but if you would want me to I'd try for you." He ruffles her hair.
Space Coco — 04/29/2023 6:20 AM
From the way he phrases that she can tell that he thinks her name starts with an S which honestly isn't just on him. A lot of people outside of Doma would like think similarly. That said in this particular instance she can't be bothered to correct him, instead just giving a furtive shake of her head.
"No, no. I was just teasing you. I want it to stay Miel."